Diver Ed: Why doesn’t this guy have a reality show?

Diver Ed: Why doesn’t this guy have a reality show?
Most parents would acknowledge that, in terms of post-childbirth lifestyle choices, we undergo a vicious battle within our souls.  Will we be the kind of parents for whom everything changes and we just roll over, play dead, and forget that such a thing as a movie theater even exists until Scooby Doo: Revenge of the Mystery Machine is released and we take our brood there for a birthday bash at 10:30 am? Or will we be those uber-hip parents for whom absolutely nothing changes and babysitters are a dime a dozen and bar-hopping until 2 am doesn’t even phase us, much less keep us from bringing the brood to a riveting Jasper Johns’ exhibit at the Whitley Museum where they make adorable yet pointed comments about the various color choices he made throughout his different periods?

I would like to humbly suggest that my husband and I have worked really hard and perhaps succeeded at finding a comfortable middle ground. After a brief hiccup of panicked shutdown during the twins first few months in the world, we realized that blindly barreling ahead with our old lifestyle was simply not an option. If however, we could identify the sorts of activities that were really important to us and then sort of tweak them for the rugrats, we might actually end up having a good time without the resulting suffering of miserable babies.

Our boat trip with Diver Ed was a classic example of this. I got it into my head (actually my friend did but I am not pointing fingers) that I absolutely had to go whale watching while we were up in Acadia. It didn’t matter that my boys had never been on a boat before. If they got viciously sea sick I would just hold them over the edge of the boat for the four hour duration. Most of the excursion times fell within napping hours and I fantasized about them falling asleep on my shoulder while I watched whales jump out of the water in the distance. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Luckily I came across another option that fit perfectly into my philosophy of finding the happy balance of all competing family interests. Diver Ed’s Dive-In Theater. This was a relatively short two hour boat excursion that didn’t go out very far at all. After anchoring out past the islands, Diver Ed would go under the water while you watched on live feed TV and collect as many sea creatures as he could grab and stuff in his bag. Diver Ed then brought the animals on board for an educational talk and completely ridiculous comedy routine which included squirting water out of a sea cucumber’s butt onto a poor boy’s head.

The kids then got to touch and play with the lobsters, sea cucumbers, and sea stars before he tossed them back none the worse for wear (but maybe slightly traumatized in a sea creature kind of way).


This guy’s shtick was hilarious for both the adults and kids on the boat. My boys were particularly impressed with the way he had all of the children join him on the back of the boat and push him overboard into the water.


This has given birth to the “Diver Ed” game that the boys now play on the blue denim couch in their bedroom. One stands on the arm of the couch and the other pushes them from behind while the one diving yells about Diver Ed in the ocean, mama, Diver Ed in the ocean. This has now been going on for over a month. This guy had an impact. I didn’t know that two year olds remembered things for that long. I have adjusted my behavior accordingly.

So to all of those development execs at the Discovery Channel who read my blog: you guys are missing out. Diver Ed is gold. Go buy tickets to his show, give him a big tip, and then sign him on for a couple of seasons. You’ll thank me for the scouting report.

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